


Created

by TheBonesOfYesterday



Series: Empty Cribs [6]
Category: Jacksepticeye-Fandom, Markiplier-fandom, Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye, youtube-Fandom
Genre: Alcoholism, Cold Weather, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Egos, Family Issues, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Iplier Egos - Freeform, Locked Out, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Sad, Septic, Septic egos - Freeform, Strangulation, Violence, blame, he need a hug, iplier - Freeform, jse - Freeform, self hate, very cold anti
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2019-11-09 03:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17994206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBonesOfYesterday/pseuds/TheBonesOfYesterday
Summary: Anti sometimes wondered what he'd done to be made like this.





	1. Why?

Anti didn’t know why he had been created, and as he felt the cold bite at his skin he couldn’t help but resent it.  
  
He knew the what and the how, but he didn’t know the _why_. There was the simple answer, that every story needed a villain, but that didn’t fully explain why he needed to be that villain. It didn’t explain why he was created just to be hated. 

He wasn’t a fool, he knew his siblings hated him, feared him like a boogieman.

He didn’t blame them, they had every right to. He’d hurt them, torn them apart, used them, and even tried to kill them. He knew why they were afraid of him, but he didn’t know why he had to be the one that did it. 

He hadn’t had a choice, that’s what their creator made him do, wrote into the story. Anti was created to be a monster, it was just what happened to him.

And yet as he pulled his coat tighter around his shoulders, he still didn’t know why it had to be _him_. 

He knew their creator didn’t understand that he’d made real people, that his choices, his stories gave them life. That somewhere off in another universe, another realm, his characters were born and lived the lives he created for them. 

No one in his creator’s world knew that their displaced dreams and imagination didn’t just fade away. That in the thoughtform world it lived on, and grew. They didn’t know that there was a world were a woman’s dream of a perfect man walked with a hero that some child dreamt up. They didn’t know there was a world made of their dreams.

A world, just like their own in every way except that the people there were given life by thought. Sean McLoughlin didn’t know his egos were real, that they had to live with the lives he gave them.

So, Anti knew he couldn’t really blame his creator, he knew that this wasn’t really his fault, but he couldn’t help it. He hated him. He hated him. He _fucking_ hated him.

Then again it wasn’t hard to hate the man when it was a bitterly cold winter, and his family had locked him out of the home because they were afraid of him.

At the moment Anti was huddled on the ground pressed against the door, weakly knocking, “Guys? Please. Please just fucking let me in. I promise I won’t hurt you. I- I I’m not in a mood tonight. Please, its- It’s really fucking cold out here.”

He knew he could glitch in, but if he did the sound would send most of his siblings into a panic and that was the last thing he wanted. He couldn’t afford to scare them anymore than they already are. Plus. They’d locked all the windows and put bars over them. He must have done something really bad to make them this pissed at him.

“Come on! This- You want to fucking kill me?!” Anti pressed his forehead to the wood of the door, “I could freeze to death. Please? Please just fucking let me in!” 

There had been to many nights like this. Most nights Anti would just find an abandoned building to hide in, or sleep under a bridge. Tonight, that wasn’t an option with how cold it was, “What did I do wrong?! I- Whatever I did I'm sorry! I’ll make it up however you want.”

Still no response.

Anti hated the man that created him. Why was he the one that got to be hated? That was feared by his own siblings? What had he done so wrong that he had been created to be a monster?

He couldn’t have deserved this. He couldn’t deserve to be hated this much by his family. Weren’t families supposed to love each other? He loved them.

Almost against his will Anti found himself curling into a ball as he wondered if his creator would feel sorry for him if he knew.

If he knew that his monster was cold, scared, and very, very alone. It comforted Anti to pretend he would, to think that his pain would make Sean McLoughlin hurt for him.

Even if he knew he wouldn’t care. Just like his brothers didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! This might have more chapters depending on the response it gets so please leave a review if ya got the time!


	2. A Splash Of Whiskey

Anti liked to watch his brothers when he was given the chance, they always fascinated him. How they moved, how they spoke, even how they took their coffee in the morning. Chase drank it black with five spoon fulls of sugar with a splash of whiskey every morning at seven thirty sharp. 

Anti found a type of comfort in learning their patterns, and if they ever deviated from them he wasn’t sure what he would do. The one day Marvin hadn’t eaten a Danish, he’d nearly broken down. He’d ended up practically forcing it down his terrified brother’s throat. Not. . . Not a moment he was proud of.

But hey. At least Marvin never skipped breakfast anymore.

He knew his brothers found it odd that he had to stick to these routines, that he felt like his mind might break if he didn’t but that’s just how it was.

Chase was preparing his coffee just like always, and Anti could practically feel the tension draining from his body as one, two, three, four, five hefting spoon fulls of sugar were dropped into the man’s coffee. And then finally Chase whipped out his flask and tipped generous amount into the drink.

Finally. He could breathe a little easier now.

As Chase came to sit down, he could feel his brother’s eyes burning into him, “Why do you always watch us in the morning? It’s kind of creepy, dude.”

Anti narrowed his eyes, knowing that they found a lot more about him creepy than that, “I just like to watch. What’s wrong with that? I’m not hurting you-’’

“But you have. So . . .” Chase took a sip at his coffee, “So maybe back off a little dude? You know that I— . . . We, all of us, have a hard time . . . you know . . .’’

“You have a hard time dealing with me.”

“Yeah.” Chase looked slightly relived that he didn’t have to say it, “So maybe don’t stare at us? I’m just trying to talk to you about this before Jackie does. He. . . He won’t be nice about it."

  
Anti knew his brother was right, but he couldn’t help but bristle at that, “What? So, calling me creepy is fucking nice? Are you fucking serious? I did nothing to you—!”

“ _You fucking tried to hurt my kids_!” Chases face was drawn into a snarl, his eyes burning, and for a moment Anti was scared that his brother was going to attack him. That he would reach across the table and drag him over or put a bullet in his skull. 

Anti drew back and broke eye contact with Chase, noticing he his fingers were shaking, “I . . . I’m sorry.”

They sat there for a few moments, nether one willing to move for fear of the other. Finally, though Chase let out a sigh and rubbed a hand over his face as his anger melted away, “I shouldn’t have screamed, dude. I know it wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t your choice.” 

Chase pulled out his flask again, poured a second splash of whiskey into his coffee, and then proceeded to drink it all.

Anti knew he should leave well enough alone, but he couldn’t help himself, “Like it wasn’t your choice to do that drive by shooting?” 

Chase, who had moved on to drinking directly from the flask, started to cough the whiskey draining from his nose, “W-What the hell man?! Why the fuck would you bring that up-?”

Anti felt words leaving his mouth, that he hadn’t even thought about, “Well, you’re fucking screaming at me for things I didn’t get to choose. Why do people fucking _love_ you, and _I’m_ the monster? At least I’ve never fired into a crowd of innocent people because some bitch—”

He felt the fist connect with his jaw before he even saw it. 

Anti found himself on the ground, with the taste of copper in his mouth, as his world swam around him. Huh. He’d hit his head on the way down hadn’t he. . .? Shakenly he brought a hand to his head and the fingers came away wet.  

Chase didn’t move to help him though, just stood over him with tears and hate in his eyes, “I am _nothing_ like you. I wasn’t created a— a fucking monster like you! I wouldn’t _ever_ fucking treat my brothers like you do— I would _never_ hurt—’’ 

Anti blinked up at him and he almost felt like he was in a dream, “I’m your brother.”

“ _Shut up_!” Chase drew back his leg like he was going to kick him, so Anti braced himself and waited for more pain with eyes squeezed shut.

But the pain never came and instead he heard the thud of Chase’s shoe kicking the chair rather than his head, “You . . . You don’t get to call me your brother. Not after what you did—’’

“You just said it wasn’t my fault!”

“ _I don’t care what I said_! You don’t get to call me that! You don’t get to call any of us that. You- You’re a monster. That’s it. Monsters don’t have families.”

“Why can’t they?” Anti’s throat felt tight, but he opened up his eyes and looked up at Chase.

And Chase stared back with something twisted in his eyes, “Because no one will love them.” 

With that, the now very drunk man stumbled away, grabbing another bottle of whiskey on his way out. Dimly Anti wondered how long it would take his brother—. . . Chase to finish all of it. Maybe he should tell Schneep.

Anti knew that Chase would feel bad about this later, he always did, and come apologize to him. He also knew Chase had been right before. He had been much nicer about it than Jackie would have been, much nicer even.

Still. Even if Chase didn’t mean them the words were rattling in his skull.

The words. That six word sentence.

Because no one will love them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! so what did you guys think about this chapter? I would't love to see your reaction!


	3. Mistake

As Anti’s head was stitched up, he valiantly tried to avoid Schneep’s gaze, just as Schneep tried to avoid his. It was always like this when he got hurt, the two trying to pretend each other weren’t there.

At any other time Schneep tried to stay as far away from the glitch as possible, and . . . Anti tried to respect that. He knew he had no right to try and force himself on the doctor after everything he’d done, but at times like these Anti had no choice. He couldn’t see the back of his head to do the stitching himself, so he had to go to his brother for help.

The necessity didn’t make the situation any less awkward.

Anti clutched his hands in his lap, making sure to always keep them in Schneep’s line of vison. It was the only way that he was willing to treat Anti after the incident last year, when Anti had taken one of his scalpels. 

He really hadn’t planned on doing anything with it, but . . . impulse gotten him once again.

Before he knew it, he was holding the knife up to the good doctor’s throat and Schneep screamed so loudly all of their brothers had come running. He’d spent a month on the streets after that.

 So, yeah, hands visible at all times.

“Chase did this to you?” Schneep gave him another shot of numbing, when he noticed a wince from Anti. He wondered if he should say thank you.

“Yeah he flipped the fuck out.”

Schneep didn’t make eye contact as he asked, “What did you do?

  
Anti felt his lips curl into a snarl, “Why are you blaming me? Chase flips all the time.” 

The stich was a little harsh this time, “Because you mess with him all the time. So, tell me what you did this time.”

Anti stiffened momentarily before he let out a sigh, “I basically just threw all of his shit back in his face. Like the drive by.”  


“. . . I see.” Schneep’s voice was too calm, “And why did you do that?”  
  
“Tryin’ to prove that he wasn’t any better than me.”

  
Anti heard Schneep draw in a breath, “I see. You do know that isn’t the case? Right?”  
  
Something bunched up in Anti’s heart painfully, very painfully, “But it’s fucking true! He did some bad shit too- I mean he killed a fuck ton of people-’’  
  
“And then he never did it again.” Schneep patted his head to signify he was done, “You on the other hand have repeated your same mistakes over, and over again. Chase learned, even I learned. You didn’t.” 

Anti pushed himself off the table, “I learn, come on, this whole visit proves that! I mean I kept my hands in front of me, I didn’t move too fast- I was a model patient.”  
  
Schneep took a few steps from him, eyeing Anti like he was a feral dog, “But you only came here because you were aggravating our brother!”

“Because he- I’m sorry okay? I can go if you want?” Anti learned a long time ago that Schneep never compromised in his beliefs. . . Well . . . At least when it came to Anti, so he wasn’t going to push his luck.

Schneep eyed him for a long moment, “. . . No, I need to give you some pain killers.”

Pain killers? He hadn’t thought he’d be given that luxury, so when Schneep ushered him along, he didn’t fight, instead he followed along behind the man quietly.

When Schneep got to his cabinet he searched around for a few moments before pulling out a bottle, “Here.”  
  
Anti reached out to take them only for the bottle to be jerked away.

Schneep held the pills close to his chest, “But only take two ever four hours. Understand? No more than that.”  
  
Something about how he said that didn’t settle right in Anti, “I’m not an addict Schneep, that’s Marvin’s thing.”  
  
“I’m not worried about that.” Schneep watched him with a stony face, before letting out a sigh, “I. . . Wanted to talk to you about getting you some medicine.”

“Well that’s what I’m trying to get from you right now.” Anti reach out again, only to be pushed back slightly.

Schneep’s hand was pressed against Anti’s chest, holding him back. Funnily enough, Anti realized, this was the first time Schneep had touched him without prompting, “I’m not talking about this medicine. I’m talking about. . . Something to help with your depression. Maybe your moods to.”  
  
It’s funny how sometimes one will understand the words another person is saying, and yet not at the same time, “What? I’m sorry but I have no clue what you’re fucking saying.”

Schneep let out a breath, moving closer, “Chase and Marvin both take medication, and I used to. There’s no shame in needing a little extra help, especially with-’’

“With what?” Anti’s mouth tasted bitter, he knew just what Schneep was going to say, “With my condition? I have no fucking diagnosis, so what are you planning to treat me for? Psychopathy? Being fucked in the head? Oh, I know! Being created to be a monster! How are you going to treat that? Got some meds for that?”

The hard expression on Schneep’s face was back, “We might not have a perfect solution yet, but medication might help.”

“Or it might make me worse.” As if he could get any worse, “Or maybe it’ll fog up my brain enough you guys won’t have to deal with me anymore.”  
  
“This is what you always do.” Schneep snapped back, “When any of us ever try to help you, you make us wish we hadn’t.”

_Stop it._

Schneep got even closer stabbing a finger into Anti’s chest, “You drive us away, and then wonder why you’re all alone. How stupid are you?”

_Stop it._

It felt like Schneep’s finger was pressing into his heart, “Every last one of us has tried to help you, even after you’ve proven time and time again that you are incapable of changing. Do you think this is fun for us?”

_Why wasn’t he stopping?_

“Our lives would be so much easier if you’d never existed. But that’s what you were created for, Ya? To cause us problems. Well you have done a fine job of that haven’t you, unmensch?”

Then Anti felt something _snap_.

Anti reached forward in a flash and jerked the pain killers from Schneep’s hand. He felt a nasty twinge of amusement as the good doctor let out a shriek, he still was the one with the power here. He thinks his brother might have forgotten that.

He felt a grin on his lips, “Maybe all of you should stop fucking trying to help me then, because I think you’re right. I can’t change.”  
  
Schneep had pressed himself up against the wall, “ _Get out of my office_.”

Distantly Anti knew he should stop, that he should leave, “What? Not gonna try and reason with me? What’s wrong bro?”  
  
Anti steeped closer, and he watched realization set into Schneep’s eyes.

His brother began to scramble, looking for any escape route, “Oh I know! You remembered who the fuck you were talking to? Isn’t that right?”  
  
Anti grabbed a fist full of the doctor’s hair and slammed him down onto the observation table.

He distantly knew he was going to be begging for forgiveness later. For now though. . . It looked like he was going to be giving a reminder.

_“Bitte tu mir nicht weh, Bitte tu mir nicht weh, Bitte tu mir nicht weh.”_

Anti leaned down close hissing into his ear, “What was that? I didn’t understand you, bro.” He then flipped the man onto his back, one of his hand’s circling around his neck, “Remember that? When I strangled you? I didn’t have a choice then, but I fucking do now.  Wonder what I’ll do.”

Schneep refused to look at him, as tears streamed down his face, and Anti could feel his heart pounding. This didn’t feel good.

It didn’t feel right.

This felt nasty, and like the biggest fucking mistake of his life. But he was doing anyways. Why was he doing this? He couldn’t remember.

“Cause I sure as hell have no fucking clue.” Anti felt his hand tighten around Schneep’s throat, “Do you think I’ll let go before you die? I hope I do.”  
  
Anti felt himself straddle his brother, and to his horror, he felt his other hand join the first, “I don’t like this. I don’t want to do this, but you kept fucking pushing me- _Why did you keep pushing me?!”_

Schneep’s hand clawed at his fingers, and he could feel the doctor’s body twitching under his. He needed to let go now. He had to let go now. If he didn’t Schneep would be dead. Schneep would be dead, and it would be Anti’s fault.

_But Anti didn’t think he could._

_.._

_. . .._

… … . …….

 . . . . ..  …. …. .. .

 . .. . .. . .. .  .

. . . . …… . .. … ………….

. . . .. .. .. ……………… ………. …. .. . . . .     .. . .. . 

. . . …………………         ………   …  . . .

 . . .. ….. ..  …. ..    ..  ………      ….

       ……………        ….. .. . . . .

…. …….  . . .     …. . . . .. .

 … ………    .     ……..

  .    .   … .  …. ..   

. … …. …. …

  .. .    ….

 .. … …

 .. . .

. . .

..

.

 

So, it was with a great sense of relief that Anti felt himself be slammed to the floor. Blearily Anti realized that Jackie was the one holding him down. Huh. He must have come in without Anti noticing.

Jackie’s hateful eyes never left Anti’s, even as he called, “Schneep? You alright dude?”  
  
There was the sound of coughing before a weak voice responded, “Y-Ya. . .  I’ll live.”

_Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God._

Suddenly He was being jerked up so high his feet couldn’t touch the floor, “What was your bright idea?! Kill Schneep and hope we wouldn’t fucking notice?!”

Anti managed to force out, “I- I didn’t think that far.” He hadn’t thought at all.

A disgusted look crossed the Hero’s face, “You’re a real piece of work, aren’t you?  
  
He was dropped back down to the floor, but before he could regain his footing, Jackie was dragging him out.

Anti knew Jackie wouldn’t believe him if he said it, but all Anti could think was one thing.

_“Thank you for saving me.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! so here's the next chapter! tell me what you think!


	4. Just Like Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So tell me what you guys think!!! sorry for the long wait!!!!!

Anti knew exactly where he was being taken, as he dangled like a toy from Jackie's grip. His brother always took him to the roof when he wanted to scream at the him.

Anti wasn’t sure if this was to make sure he couldn’t hurt anyone else, or if it was to try and make it more dramatic. In the end though Anti was thankful. Up here it was just him and Jackie, there was no one else to witness what was sure to be a brutal lecture. 

Plus, if he was extra special lucky he might not get his lights knocked out by a _fucking superman wannabe._

When they finally made it to the very top of the building, Jackie dropped him, “What the hell was that?”

Anti pushed himself up and glared at Jackie who crossed his arms in response, “What do you think? It was pretty fucking easy to tell.”

“I know what you were doing, but why?” A tinge of desperation entered Jackie’s voice, “Why do you always do this? I don’t think I’ve ever even had a conversation with you that isn’t about you screwing someone over.”

Anti wondered if Jackie’s goal was to irritate him even more, “Do you think I planned this out? Like I fucking brainstorm ideas on how to make my family hate me? You know I can’t control it.”  
  
Jackie’s eyes sparked with something almost like understanding for a second, “Yeah. I know you can’t help it but. . .” He steadied himself with a breath before his eyes hardened again, “What set you off? We aren’t leaving till you tell me.”

Well wasn’t that the question of the hour?

Anti glowered at Jackie, and almost hoped that that look alone would make him back off, but to no success. His brother just stood there and patiently waited, with his stupid fucking hero face. Fine.

“He was trying to get me on meds. Told me I was created to cause you guys problems.”

Jackie somehow looked even more unimpressed, “Dude, that is _literally_ why you were created.”

“We’ll he didn’t need to say it like that!” Anti hissed back, “He used that German word on me! The one that means monster!”

“Which you _literally_ are.”

“Fuck you!” Anti really wondered if maintaining this level of stress was healthy, “Just because its true doesn’t mean he needs to rub it in my face.” 

“. . . That’s true.” Jackie agreed after a moment, “But he has a temper, sometimes he does things he doesn’t mean to.”

Holy fuck.

It took Anti a second to scrap his jaw off the floor before he could respond, “You heard that right? You just fucking described _me_. Why does he get a pass and I don’t?”

“Because when he loses his temper he just screams.” Jackie narrowed his eyes, “You on the other hand try to murder us.”  
  
. . . Anti couldn’t really argue with that, could he? Didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try, “Oh come on, he can get—’’

“He gets frustrated. That’s it.” Jackie took a step closer and brought his fingers up to count, “He has never tried to hit us, hit us, beaten us, or nearly killed any of us. Out of the family the only one that fits the bill is you.”  
  
He wasn’t going to win this, he never did, “Alright, alright. I get it. I’m the shitty brother. Can I go now?”

Jackie considered him for a moment, “. . . No.”

“What?! Why not?! I answered your question like a good boy!”

“You did but I want to try to figure out how we can stop this from happening again.” Jackie pointed to the ground, “Sit.”

“I am _not_ sitting down.” He eyed the ground beneath his feet, “Its fucking filthy up here.”

Jackie let out a snort, “Anti you spend half your time covered in blood and guts. Your standards can’t be that high.”

“My standards are higher than pigeon shit.” Now it was Anti’s turn to cross his arms, “I’m standing.”

“Fine. Just . . . Actually, listen to me?”

. . . Well he would try, “Alright. I’ll listen. Just don’t fucking preach at me.”

“I’m not going to preach at you, I like not having a knife in my gut.” Jackie said it like it was a joke, but his eyes were just a little too wary for it to be one, “Last time we were up here and I preached, you tried to bash my head in. I learned my lesson.”

Anti winced, he couldn’t even remember why he’d been mad, “Yeah. So, say what you’re going to say.”

“I think you should get on the meds.”

“What?!” If this was Jackie’s way of not getting stabbed, he was even more stupid than Anti thought.

Jackie said as calmly as he could, “You have a problem dude. Medicine might help with your impulses. If you can’t control them, then maybe this can help you do that. Everyone needs help sometimes.”

“Then why aren’t you on meds? I’ve seen you do some insane shit.” Anti snapped back at him, “You’re just as impulsive as me.”

For some reason, this actually seemed to unsettle Jackie, “Because my impulses never get anyone hurt.”

  
Holy fuck he was actually on to something, “But they could. They already get you into some pretty bad shit, what if-“ 

_“Stop.”_

“-What if one day it gets some innocent people killed. You run in to save the day and like a fucking idiot _you’ll_ be the one to kill them.”

“Anti that won’t happen.”

Anti felt a nasty grin cover his face, “But it has, hasn’t it? I’ve seen you crying like a fucking baby after you’ve got home from a mission.”

That’s it, he could see Jackie drawing away, he’d hit the mark, “Is that cause you couldn’t save some one, or cause you got someone killed?”

And then Jackie took a swing for Anti. There it goes.

He barely managed to dodge out of the way, “Look at that! It’s worse than I thought! Got the impulse to fuck me up, bro?”

 _“Shut up!”_  Another swing

“Missed!” Anti could hear his own laughter as it bounced off the concrete. Fuck. He was doing this again, “It’s really easy to turn you violent, huh? You and I have a lot in common.”

Swing and miss, “I’m a hero!”

This time the effort to dodge Jackie’s fist landed him on the ground, “Come on! Do you know how many villains started off as heroes? Good and evil aren’t that different!”

Now it was a kick that Anti had to scramble away from, “He fucked you up just like me. Made you what you are and gave you a goddamn hero complex. That’s just a nice way of saying you’re impulsive as shit and you fucking act on it.”

“It also means I’m doing it to _save_ people.” Man, it had been a long time since he’d heard Jackie that pissed.

The kick made impact.

God- Fuck Jackie was strong. All of his breath was knocked out of him and God it hurt. It hurt so bad.

Through bleary eyes Anti could see Jackie stumble back and nearly collapse onto the ground. Impulse must have passed. “Anti- Anti, I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to. . . I didn’t think I’d actually hit you- I. . . I was just so angry.”

Anti couldn’t catch his breath back, it was like something had flattened his lungs. Were his ribs broken?  

“Let me- . . . Let me get you to Sch- Fuck. He won’t see you right now. . . God. I’ll find you a doctor. I promise.”

Suddenly he felt himself being lifted up, “I’m so sorry- I’m . . . I’m so sorry.”

They were moving now, but Anti couldn’t tell in which direction. Finally, finally though he managed to get just enough air to ask, “You. . .You’re just like. . . like me. Why- Why do you. . . You get to be loved?”

There was silence for such a long time, so long that Anti thought Jackie hadn’t heard him, that his voice was to weak. But then he got his answer.

“Because I was created that way.”


	5. I'm Sorry

Anti woke up next, he was surprised to find himself in what looked to be a clinic. Now that in itself wasn’t uncommon but this didn’t look to be his brother’s. Who the hell had taken him in?

Jackie had seemed pretty desperate to get him help after their fight. Okay. Maybe Anti was exaggerating when he said ‘fight’. It was more like Jackie screamed at him and then gave him internal bleeding. Compared to other incidents, he couldn’t really call that a fight. Regardless of that, he was in a hospital now. 

Which one was the question? 

It wasn’t Schneep’s, but who else would be willing to take him in? No one in their realm would let him into their establishment. Most places had a strict no-ego policy with how much death followed them. And he was the poster child for that. Did Jackie bribe someone?

“Finally!” 

Anti’s head snapped to the far corner of the room to see Marvin sat there, sprawled out over a cheap plastic chair, “I thought you’d be out forever. I’ve been here for twelve hours and my ass was starting to hurt.”

Marvin yawned and stood up with a stretch, “It was just a punctured lung and like three ribs. I’ve seen, you take worse.”

“Sorry to not live up to expectations.” Anti tried to push himself up only to wince at a stab of pain, “But I had a hard day, I was a little off my game.” 

“A little?” Marvin rose his eyebrows under that mask, Anti could feel it, “Jackie didn’t even have a bruise. Normally when you two fight, he leaves worse than you.”

“Maybe I was trying a new fighting style out.”

“Well, it sucks.” Marvin eyed him, “. . .But. . . Really? Why did you let him do that? Why didn’t you fight back?”

Anti ground his teeth, Marvin was the smartest one out of the Septics. He didn’t make the best life choices, but damn he could figure shit out. Anti couldn’t lie to him, so he just wouldn’t say anything at all. 

Marvin sat down beside the bed with a sigh, “. . . You wanted him to hurt you, didn’t you?” 

“I’m not into self-harm-’’

“You weren’t hurting yourself.” Marvin eyed him, “You were punishing Jackie. You knew if he hurt you, and couldn’t blame it on you attacking him that it would hurt him. Really was a new fighting style, huh?”

Fuck Marvin, “He’s on this high horse. Why not let him take himself down a peg? I didn’t make him break my ribcage. He didn’t that all on his own.”

“After a few choice words from you I bet.” Marvin was giving him that disappointed look that made Anti want to pull his own skin off. 

“He disserves it. He’s a self-righteous asshole.” Anti felt his lips draw into a scowl. 

Marvin leaned close, “And your brother. So, you need to learn to put up with it.”

“Well why can’t he learn to put up with me?”

Marvin’s brows were definitely up again, “Because you’ve killed a lot of people. He’s a hero. It’s in his design to go toe to toe with you.”

That ugly part of Anti started to well up in him, “I’m surprised you can even notice that with how drunk you are most of the time.”

“. . . We aren’t doing this Anti.”

Anti snarled, “Or with how much time you spend in front of your mirror. Real ugly piece of work aren’t you? Your skin is so fucked up you look like something out of a bad eighties horror- “

And then suddenly there was a hand over his mouth, “I said we aren’t doing this. You’re in a hospital bed. We aren’t going to get into a fight. I’m not going to let you provoke me.”

Marvin pressed his hand tighter over Anti’s mouth, “Your going to tell me how you feel after I take my hand off your mouth. Got that?”

Slowly Anti nodded. 

After a moment Marvin gave a nod of approval and released his hold, “Good. Now how do you feel?”

“Like shit.” Anti glared down at his hands, he felt almost embarrassed now, “My head is pounding and I can feel my ribs creaking around.”

Marvin winced, “I’ll get Dr. Iplier then. You probably need more morphine.”

Now that got his attention.

In an instant Anti shoot up straight, ignoring his body’s protest, “Dr. Fucking Iplier?!”

Marvin cursed as he pushed Anti back down onto the bed, “Yes, Dr. Iplier. He’s the only one that was willing to treat your sorry ass.”

Anti’s eyes snapped around, “Fuck! You let Jackie take me wounded into the building Dark fucking lives in?!”

Marvin noticeably flinched at the name, “He didn’t have a choice. Schneep was out of it, and Dr. Iplier was the only doctor he couldn’t think of that would take you in.”

“This-’’Anti’s voice cut off, “I couldn’t take Dark right now. Why the fuck did he drop me here?!”

Marvin looked noticeably more agitated, “Dark doesn’t know alright? Do you think I would be here if I wasn’t promised he was out, and going to be out for a while? He’s out somewhere. Now just stop fucking talking about him.”

Anti froze, wanting to do anything other than stop, but he gave a slow nod, “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t think it was safe.”

“Damn right I wouldn’t.” Marvin almost growled out. 

Anti fidgeted for a few more moments before he asked slowly, “So why, uh, are you here?”

Marvin was quiet and his eyes scanned over Anti’s face, “. . . Jackie didn’t think you’d want him here. The others are too scared of you to come and sit alone in a room with you. Besides. I. . . can handle you better than them. You’re less likely to snap.”

“You make me sound like a rabid animal.”

A snort of laughter left Marvin, “If the shoe fits.”

“Oh, shut up.” Anti felt himself brighten at just the sight of one of his sibling’s smiles, “So you’re here to keep an eye on me?”

Marvin nodded, “No one thought it was a good idea to leave you alone in the Iplier building. That. . . could have ended really badly.” 

“Yeah. Someone would have died.” Anti just wasn’t sure who, “Hey. . . One more question?”

“What?”

“You never defend me. Ever.” Anti shifted and tried to keep his tone cool. He didn’t want to lose Marvin over one question, “Why? You and I mostly. . .We don’t fight that bad. Why don’t you ever step up for me?”

Marvin stared at him, and his mouth opened and closed slowly, “Anti I-’’

“Just answer the question.” Anti’s fingers drummed over his thighs, “I’ll keep my cool.”

The silence went on for just a bit longer before Marvin spoke, “I’m selfish. I like to keep you to myself.”

Anti was frozen again, his eyes wide, “You keep me to yourself?”

“You’re more broken than me.” Marvin’s voice had dropped a few octaves, “And I like that feeling. I like being the strong one. Being to only one you can come to. I. . . It’s shity. But I’m trying to be honest.”

“So. . . So, you just let them treat me like shit so I like you even more?” Anti’s voice sounding strained even to his own ears. 

Marvin flinched, “I know that sounds bad- It is bad. . . Fuck. I do love you, I just. . .”

“You want to be my only option.” Anti bit out, “What? Want me to worship you too?”

Marvin drew back even further, “You said you wouldn’t get mad.”

Anti growled, he felt like his insides were churning around, like he was on fire, “If you think this is me being mad then I really have been soft on you. Get the fuck out.”

“What?”

“Get the fuck out of my room.” Anti needed Marvin gone before he hurt him, “Now!”

Marvin was up in an instant, but paused at the door, “I won’t leave the building- I’ll still be out here If you need me.”

Marvin started out the door once again, and just as before stopped, “I’m sorry.” Then he was gone. 

Anti was sorry too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEeeeeeeeey I'm back! And school has started up again! And after some twists I'm no longer a Theatre major but now instead a Animation major. So my life has been interesting. I hope your lives have been going well, and this chapter finds you in a good place! as always I love comments and kudos!!!!!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy! This might have more chapters depending on the response it gets so please leave a review if ya got the time!


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